Sticks and Stones

“Just calm down.” 

“I don’t understand why you’re freaking out.” 

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.” 

“Quit making a scene.” 

Having suffered from diagnosed anxiety for eight years now, I have heard these phrases an unfathomable amount of times. And I’m fairly certain that I am not the only nervous nelly who has been exposed to hurtful words coming from friends and family who do not suffer from said mental illness. 

I’m sure you know the common phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones”… but what many people don’t realize is that words do hurt. When I am suffering from an anxiety attack, the last thing I want someone to tell me is that I’m overreacting. This causes feelings of guilt to build up inside of me, and I feel like a burden to those around me. Certainly I’m not the only one with anxiety who has ever felt this way. 

In my opinion, anxiety disorder is one of the most misunderstood common mental illnesses. People who react inappropriately to someone undergoing a panic attack often just misunderstand or are uninformed about anxiety disorders. 

So what exactly is an anxiety disorder? 

According to the DSM-5, which is a manual for assessing and diagnosing mental health disorders, generalized anxiety disorder is characterized as “excessive anxiety and worry, occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities”. 

Often times, stress and anxiety are used interchangeably, but they are two distinct terms in the field of psychology. Stress is the body’s short-term response to a perceived threat or harmful situation. Short-term stress can actually be beneficial for motivation or escaping danger. However, our bodies are not built to handle long-term stress. Once stress occurs over an extended period of time, it can then develop into full-blown anxiety. 

Although there is one generalized definition for anxiety disorder, nobody with a diagnosed anxiety disorder experiences the same symptoms or has the same triggers. Personally, my anxiety is triggered by large crowds and the fear of illness. Sure, there are other people who also fear crowds and illness, but I am not one to speak on their experience of anxiety. 

This is one of the reasons that anxiety disorders are difficult to tend to. Every person has different needs when experiencing anxiety or a panic attack. 

It’s important to foster open, healthy conversations with friends and loved ones about your needs with anxiety so they know how to react appropriately. For example, I let my friends know how to detect when I am having a panic attack in a public setting so that they can help me escape the situation. When I aggressively play with my hair, my leg is tapping rapidly, and I keep looking around the room for an exit, my friends know that I need to step out and calm down. Telling friends and family how to react and assist in calming a panic attack will prevent inappropriate comments from escalating the situation. 

However, it’s not only about standing up for yourself, but also being an advocate for others. If you know that someone is having anxiety or a panic attack and someone makes a rude comment, call them out. Let that person know that the comment was not appropriate, and speak with them about how to effectively respond. 

Words hurt, but we can prevent others from saying hurtful comments towards those with mental health disorders. You are not defined by your disorder, but it is important to define your needs to those around you, creating a safe environment to talk about mental health.